1. The fake phone call – this is always top of the list however it does take prep work. In order for this to work you have to rig your cell phone for speed dial to automatically dial your work line. This way you area able to break away with an important phone call.

2. The Bathroom break – this also take some prop work in order to properly execute it. When you see the coworker coming by having some type of food in hand and start to get up while grabbing your stomach. Then go onto how you have to run to the bathroom. Feel free to substitute food with mylanta.

3. The Urgent Email – first things first have a draft email to yourself on standby and your speakers volume up. As soon as the coworker starts up the conversation click “Send” and bing – you’ve got mail. Then scan it for a few seconds take a deep sigh stand-up and say, “I don’t believe it! I have to go see (insert managers name here) and take care of this!” Then storm off.

I bet there are more and would defiantly like to hear your thoughts on how you deal with that annoying coworker. Let me know in the comments below.

1. Work…good God seriously I had to step away from my desk just to breathe and you’re bringing up work?!

2. Emails. We really don’t need to relieve every.single.email that was forwarded around the office, do we?

3. The score. Yes, I did catch “the game last night” but I’m not interested in talking about it with you.

4. Lunch. Really? It’s 10:30 in the morning and I’m working on my coffee so the last thing I’m thinking about is lunch.

5. Friday. It’s Tuesday so talking about the weekend isn’t going to brink it any faster and YES I am ready for the weekend…everyone is!

6. Meetings. There is absolutely no need to recap the hour and half meeting we just had. I’m trying to forget it already.

7. Facebook/Twitter. Yes, I’m on them and there is no way in hell I will “friend” or “follow” you so stop asking.

8. Boss. You REALLY think I’m going to complain about the boss in this open setting where word can get back to him?

9. Coworkers. No, I will NOT talk about other coworkers behind their back with you – I would hate to think what you say about me to them.

10. Kids. Yes, the majority of us in the office have one and while we like to hear and share stories of them it doesn’t need to happen every time we see each other.

…did I miss one?

Office Romance

Why? Why? WHYYYYY? Why do people fail to read what I write? Seriously?! It’s happening again even AFTER I wrote Office Romance is a No-No! I’m going to stop writing because what I do write people just don’t want to pay attention.

I understand it’s your life. I understand that you’re “single and ready to mingle” but seriously it really does hinder your co-workers performance.

So, here’s the story and like Law and Order the names have been changed to protect the innocent but the story is true.

Tom who works in my department recently broke up with his long term girlfriend of seven years. Almost married he basically got cold feet and didn’t want to be tied down. Now, this young individual whose been in my department for the past four years and have grown a friendship with. Yet, was a little taken back when he came up to me last week:

Me: “Hey Tom – you and Sandi have any plans this week?”

Tom: No, we broke up – a week ago. She was talking about getting married and having children…I don’t want kids right now and she knew that.

Me: “Wow…I’m sorry to hear that”

Tom: It’s fine – I’m over it I’m single and ready to mingle

*eye roll*

Me: Ok

Tom: Hey, you know Missy over in Accounting? I think I’mma ask her out. I’ve been checking her out for the past year and I heard she’s been asking about me.

Me: NO! Don’t do this – it never turns out right. The last thing you want is cause some drama at work.

Tom: Yeah…you’re right. I gotta get – Matt needs these reports before 5.

End of conversation, right? I thought so but later that day I hear through the inner-office grapevine that Tom DID in fact ask Missy out and this past Friday they went out. Apparently it was an all weekend date because all I’m hearing is that she stayed at his place the whole time and there are whispers of “tramp” and “player” going around. Nothing but dirty looks are when the two are around.

Please don’t be Tom and Missy and have this happen.

I’ll keep you posted as this develops.

This happens almost weekly in my building. I don’t get it. It sometimes feel like I work for the:

a) 1-800 Flowers

b) HallMark Cards

c) Counselor

It never ceases to amaze me though the people who will roll their eyes when they hear a fellow co-worker’s loved one has past away. When they do the heavy ‘sigh’ I usually walk away, pissed.

There is just no empathy in the work place anymore. I can’t deal with it. It’s not JUST my co-workers either my boss does the same thing.

“Suzan’s OTHER grandmother passed away, well okay – send a card or whatever.”

So sorry to bother you boss I didn’t know a world existed outside of your own.

I apologize to you reading this because in all respect this has happened at just about every job I’ve held. At first everyone is truly emapathetic and then something happens. They forget how to be human. They forget how to care.

Again, sorry to bring you down today but this question has been on my mind for awhile and I’d like to know if this has happened at your job?

It happens – people don’t use sick days for ‘real’ sick days. Looking outside right now I truly wish I had done this. It’s gorgeous out and not to mention its Friday and the boss has been out all day as well (probably at the golf course).

The one thing though that bugs me in this real-life scenario is that those who do it (I admit it – I do it too…sometimes) will use up all their sick days and come into the office hacking and coughing infecting us all with the swine flu or something. While I honestly can’t be mad at them (because I do the same thing…sometimes) I wish, I just WISH they would at least bring in some medicine and self-medicate to make sure they DON’T infect us all.

Do they do that? Nope, they whine and complain about it and then someone ask the obvious question, “Why didn’t you just stay home?” Well, DUH! They don’t have anymore sick days and we all have to endure the hacking and coughing. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

My plea is to save AT LEAST one or two sick days for actually sick days.

Have you done this and used up your sick days? As I’ve said already, I have…sometimes

One thing I found out, not from my doing of course, is that during this economic recession making waves is the WORST thing you can do. The best bet is to just do your job and do it well or stay as invisible as possible and pray you don’t get fired when the next wave of cutbacks go around.

I’ll give you a quick snippet on the overall situation – a coworker for one reason or another felt the need to complain to higher management about their boss. Why? Well, from what I gathered they were under the microscope so they lashed out as quickly as possible and the result…well – you’ll have to stay tuned for that one.

Nonetheless the bottom line here is folks is please do not go making waves during this econimic recession. It’s not a good thing AT ALL!

It was a great Friday and was looking forward to enjoying some rather warm weather that night and following day (today). I was in the best mood – just finished a huge project yesterday and was looking to kick back and relax. Then my manager rolls around to my desk around 3:30 with an unhealthy smile, a devilish grin more. He then decides to go into detail about a “new” project that needed special attention that just “rolled out”. I could feel my high spirits quickly diminishing as he kept talking about the specifics of the project.

It was then at that moment I knew what was going to happen. “So, can I count on you coming in tomorrow to get a jump on this?”

Some responses I thought of in a split second:

- Uh, no – I have a life outside of this hell hole

- Better find someone else before I smack that grin off your face

- So, let me get this straight you want me to come in tomorrow while you sleep-in? HA!

- Do you want my honest answer or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?

- How about I come in on Monday and forget we even had this conversation?

- I should expect you in tomorrow too, right? No? Then what makes you think I’ll be here?

Now, did any one of those come out of my mouth as he stood there leaning on my cubicle with his evilish grin and nodding excitidetly like a dog. What do you think as I sit here for the past few hours starring into the glowing abyss of my computer screen?

I hope you have a great weekend as I spend the new few hours looking over spreadsheets and checking numbers and praying this week doesn’t get any worse.

While most are pretty standard:

1) Predictability

2) Understanding

3) Empowerment

4) Compassion

Those are 4 ‘okay’ ideas but I’d like to add my personal top 4:

Humor

What? There’s nothing funny about being fired…well, there is if you make it. Why not make have fun with it (especially if its someone you don’t like).

Surprise Party

Seriously?! Yep, that’s right. Have a surprise party for the firee. Let them know with cake and friends (co-workers).

Laid Off Card

I’m pretty sure hallmark makes these cards – find one – fill it out and put on an empty box for their personal items so it’s the first thing they see in the morning.

Time Them

If you have to do massive lay-offs why not time them and the winner gets a surprise like a stapler or a roll of tape.

Any other suggestions?

Cliques

You see them everywhere and you know it’s true. They can range from managment – sales – operations – women – men – etc. What is amazing though is that the same traits of trying to ‘look’ good by their crew

Jocks

This can be really depressing in the workplace specially when you have jocks in multible cliques. An example would be a jock in the management who should have stopped trying to playing with the 26 year old’s about 10 years ago.

Nerds

Two words: IT Department. You hate them and love ‘em and no matter what you need ‘em. Those “nerds” that you tried to make fun in high school now have access to all your files. Funny how things are reversed…huh?

Have you found more or noticed these cliques? Let me know, always interested to hear from you.

Do I think it could happen? YES!

That is why I, personally, try to do everything humanly possible to show my supervisor I am a valuable employee. Going from that thought though I went on to that I spend more time with my co-workers than I do my own family.

That’s pretty sad isn’t it?

It’s true though. Think about it. You work on average 8 hours a day = 40 hours a week. You come home by 5 and get to spend time with your family for a good 4 hours, if that depending on your commute.

We are spending not just way too much time at our cubicles but we are seeing our co-workers more than own family and yet we don’t even know them. I remember at an old job I worked for a firm that I did their accounting for. I was probably there for a good 4 years and there were employees there that I didn’t even know if they were married/single/kids/etc – and the firm only had 20 people at that location.

It was absolutely amazing. I worked with these people day in and day out and knew nothing about them. I would go out to lunch with them and joke and laugh but knew really nothing about them.

At my current job though I’ve changed that. I’ve made every effort to make sure that I do know them and even if I don’t really like them (hey, it happens) I know I’ve made an attempt to know them better.

In all reality our jobs our co-workers are our second family. Their highly disfunctional and sometimes chaotic and you don’t want to be around them sometimes but you have no choice. How is that not like a family?