Office Romance

Why? Why? WHYYYYY? Why do people fail to read what I write? Seriously?! It’s happening again even AFTER I wrote Office Romance is a No-No! I’m going to stop writing because what I do write people just don’t want to pay attention.

I understand it’s your life. I understand that you’re “single and ready to mingle” but seriously it really does hinder your co-workers performance.

So, here’s the story and like Law and Order the names have been changed to protect the innocent but the story is true.

Tom who works in my department recently broke up with his long term girlfriend of seven years. Almost married he basically got cold feet and didn’t want to be tied down. Now, this young individual whose been in my department for the past four years and have grown a friendship with. Yet, was a little taken back when he came up to me last week:

Me: “Hey Tom - you and Sandi have any plans this week?”

Tom: No, we broke up - a week ago. She was talking about getting married and having children…I don’t want kids right now and she knew that.

Me: “Wow…I’m sorry to hear that”

Tom: It’s fine - I’m over it I’m single and ready to mingle

*eye roll*

Me: Ok

Tom: Hey, you know Missy over in Accounting? I think I’mma ask her out. I’ve been checking her out for the past year and I heard she’s been asking about me.

Me: NO! Don’t do this - it never turns out right. The last thing you want is cause some drama at work.

Tom: Yeah…you’re right. I gotta get - Matt needs these reports before 5.

End of conversation, right? I thought so but later that day I hear through the inner-office grapevine that Tom DID in fact ask Missy out and this past Friday they went out. Apparently it was an all weekend date because all I’m hearing is that she stayed at his place the whole time and there are whispers of “tramp” and “player” going around. Nothing but dirty looks are when the two are around.

Please don’t be Tom and Missy and have this happen.

I’ll keep you posted as this develops.

The narcissistic coworker

Something about working with a narcissistic coworker that makes the day so pleasant. Is the sarcasm jumping off the page? Okay if you haven’t figured yet I am totally joking and cannot stand these type of people. If you don’t know the type they are the ones that can’t help themselves in giving themselves a pat on the back. The essence of self-loathing.

There is usually one in particular in every office. You know the one. Guaranteed you’re thinking of their name right.this.minute. It’s not that you’re trying to ‘mean’ but being realistic. This is the coworker that every time they get put in a group with you - you sigh. You sigh heavy.

Below is a list of traits that I’ve combiled to know when you are working with a narcisstic coworker, or worse - you are one.

It’s All About ME-ME-ME

You’re dog just died and all the coworkers all giving you their condolences…except one. This particular one decides to go into a 20 minutes about how THEY lost their pet and how THEY got over it. Go figure.

Look At ME!

Oh, you just knew it was coming didn’t you. This individual does anything they can to not just be the star of attention - just attention from anyone. If there was a lull in the office this coworker would insist on telling some outragous tale that is more than likely made up on the spot. It’s that feeling you get when you know a child doesn’t get enough attention at home. It’s quite sad.

I DID IT!

Oh, this is the best part. As I mentioned in the begining if you are working with a narcissistic on a project. No matter how big or small the project may be this person feels the need to make sure EVERYONE knows exactly what they did on it. They might’ve just come up with two graphs on a presentation but will ask everyone in the office about it.

Whose #1?

No need to ask the question because everyone knows…right?

Okay, now while this has been written towards “co-worker” believe me I’ve worked under some narcissistic managers in my time and they all have the same traits mentioned above.

Have I missed one? Feel free to share below.

Performance Review

Ah, the infamous performance review - you love it. You sit down and await for hopefully constructive criticism from your supervisor. It can go one of two ways: Good or Bad. It’s all about the attitude - yours and your supervisors. The last thing you want to happen is walk into a performance review when your boss is having a bad day.

In order to survive a performance review in today’s economy I’ve come up with some tips to get you thru it without the headache.

Kiss UP F.A.S.T.

Not a huge advocate for this particular tip but in reality you do have to be on top of this. I remember working at a job that I absolutely detested. I was young and could really care less of the job - don’t get me wrong I worked and did my job but going above and beyond the “call of duty” - no thanks. Yet, on the week of the review I would do everything I could to butter up my supervisor.

1. More Coffee: What can I do to better serve you with drinks and snack from the common area. Oh, out of your favorite pop? I’ll run out and get it.
2. No more shop talk: Find something that THEY like whether it be sports or entertainment and talk about it NON-STOP!
3. Hungry? Lunch on me. That’s right offer up to pick up the check when you go to lunch with them.
4. Copies? Collated? Office supplies running low: I’m on it. Your supervisor might have an assistant or can do these things themselves but why?

Spreadsheet of Performance

Why have your boss do all the work on trying to evaluate you? Just put together an itemized list of projects and your contribution to it. This takes some time, especially if you’ve slacked off the past 6 months. This is why I go with the first option so far. Nonetheless sometimes you just have to do the work to get by.

Letter of Appreciation

You did well on the last performance review so why not bring it in just in case your boss gets on you about your recent lack of enthusiasm for the job. Maybe you worked with other co-workers or clients and they felt you did an excellent job helping them so why not print out that email.

It shows that you are in fact doing something besides playing solitare.

What have you done to survive a performance review?

If you haven’t known by now I work with…some rather unusual individuals. It makes me wonder just how management decided to pick these people from.

What I am going to TRY and do is pull out a few things that my co-worker’s do that classify them as being an ‘idiot’.

It is JUST A JOB!

We are not working to save lives. We are not in gun battle. We work in an OFFICE. Yet, time and time again some of coworkers feel the need to stress of every.little.thing.

While I mentioned a little about my Chicken Little Co-Worker this particular disease tends to spread around the office rather quickly.

I do not convey just surfing the web and not doing any work but let’s be realistically here people. Unless you are saving lives or protecting them (Thank you Jack Bauer) then your stress level should not be THAT HIGH.

It IS a JOB!

From those that stress over a misplacing a paperclip (yes, it has happened) to those who feel the need to surf the web and talk on the phone all.freaking.day.

While this is the other end of the spectrum of #1 - we do have a job and we do need to get things done. That game of minesweeper and your story about your weekend to your ‘best friend’ can wait 30 minutes, right?

TRY to be Smart

It’s a stretch for some of the co-workers but yet they still can’t accomplish it. As hard as they try they just can’t seem to understand simple things. From turning on a computer (even though they’ve worked on one for 10+ years) to where emails go after you hit “SEND“.

These are the individuals who feel the need to ask a question at a meeting when the meeting was just over last week’s meeting and looking for progress updates. QUESTION’S ARE.NOT.NEEDED!

Sorry, a little upset about that one…well, you would to if you had to sit thru 2 hours of management rambling over the same thing they said last week.

*groan*

Please tell me I’m not alone on these top 3 before I try to hang myself with my mouse cord…just kidding, honestly.

Every now and again I run across an article that just jumps out at me and the following is just that:

Two men were working on a waterborne excavator when it collapsed and pinned one underwater—just deep enough to make breathing mostly impossible. Jumping into action, witness David Thomson ripped off his clothes and dove into the chilling waters to rescue the dying man, known only as John.

Struggling to keep John’s airways above water, Thomson yelled for someone to find him a tube, snorkel, funnel or anything he could use to transfer air down to keep him alive. A witness was able to find a vacuum cleaner hose in Thomson’s own boat-rental kiosk. Thomson used the hose to blow air into John’s lungs until the paramedics arrived, 10 minutes after the excavator had originally collapsed.

Thomson and John’s unidentified coworker have been recommended for bravery awards. Sure, it’s very brave of Thomson, but I could only hope that the hose hadn’t just been used for vacuuming up spiders—or God knows what else—before it was converted into a breathing apparatus. [The Age via AdelaideNow]

I bolded and underlined the portion that really stood out to myself and thus spurns today’s question.

Have you ever been nominated for an award or nominated a co-worker for one? Maybe it hasn’t been for literally ’saving’ a co-worker’s life but perhaps for work on a project?

I don’t know how many times I’ve seen it but for one reason or another a co-w0rker confides in me that they are dating another co-worker and want to know my thoughts. I always respond the same, “what the HELL are you thinking!” and sadly this isn’t a one time situation. It happens more times than I care to think about. I still don’t understand why these co-workers feel the need to confide in me - probably because they know I’m not the type of person to run to management for every little thing.

Nonetheless here are some things I’ve noticed when it comes to office romances.

Middle School Flirtations

As I said before work is pretty much high school all over again. Yet, when it comes to office romance they seem to revert to junior high. Passing notes and giggling. While if I was on the outside of the glass I wouldn’t help but roll my eye’s and keep going about my life. Yet, when it comes to getting a job done and my name is on the docket then I get a little upset.

These flirtation’s are just step one and it’s all innocent. You can usually spot this step when ‘physical’ notes are passed around the office and giggling is heard when email’s are opened.

Bringing Sexy Back

Ah, Justin Timberlake would be SO proud of you (too bad you all can’t hear my sarcastic tone in my typing). This is when the romance get’s a little TOO interesting. It’s when the “couple” tend to wear items they should have stopped wearing 15 years ago. They THINK they might be wearing these clothes to get an arousal out of the other couple. From short skirts and tight blouses to suit’s fit for a 7th grader (I’m guess trying to show off their…muscles?).

Copies and Emails

Why? Seriously why am I looking at this copy machine and seeing ‘cheeks’? Why did I get this ‘pornographic’ email telling me in detail what you’re going to do to me?

That’s right people - it happens. Office romance starts to spill out into the main office. So you decide to “work late” and some how your ‘co-worker’ is helping you on a project. Then the next morning we find items around the office we shouldn’t. Or you fail to check your “To:” box on who exactly your sending this ‘particular’ email to. COME ON!

Love is War

Oh boy here we go (insert eye roll). This is when it all hits the fan and fingers are pointed and in the end someone loses a job all because an attraction happened at the office.

So, if you absolutely cannot control yourself with a co-worker then you really need to quit your job or have them quit if you want that relationship to blossom because in the dozen or so romance’s I’ve seen - not one has gone beyond the office.

Have you ever been involved in any or seen an office romance? Add your two cents and let us know.

A co-worker falls ill and ends up at the hospital. What does your office do? Send flowers? Cards? Visit them? Steal their office supplies? Okay, that last one was a little out there but trust me it has happened and to be honest I’m not proud of it. Truth be told I had NO clue they were laid up with messed up back.

This happens almost weekly in my building. I don’t get it. It sometimes feel like I work for the:

a) 1-800 Flowers

b) HallMark Cards

c) Counselor

It never ceases to amaze me though the people who will roll their eyes when they hear a fellow co-worker’s loved one has past away. When they do the heavy ’sigh’ I usually walk away, pissed.

There is just no empathy in the work place anymore. I can’t deal with it. It’s not JUST my co-workers either my boss does the same thing.

“Suzan’s OTHER grandmother passed away, well okay - send a card or whatever.”

So sorry to bother you boss I didn’t know a world existed outside of your own.

I apologize to you reading this because in all respect this has happened at just about every job I’ve held. At first everyone is truly emapathetic and then something happens. They forget how to be human. They forget how to care.

Again, sorry to bring you down today but this question has been on my mind for awhile and I’d like to know if this has happened at your job?

The sun is shinning and it’s a cool crisp 70 degrees outside. Your stuck inside behind those hideous gray walls. You look over at your coworkers desk: empty. You just know that they called in sick and yesterday they were perfectly fine. You take a heavy sigh wishing you done the same after getting an email from your boss about a ‘new project’.

It happens - people don’t use sick days for ‘real’ sick days. Looking outside right now I truly wish I had done this. It’s gorgeous out and not to mention its Friday and the boss has been out all day as well (probably at the golf course).

The one thing though that bugs me in this real-life scenario is that those who do it (I admit it - I do it too…sometimes) will use up all their sick days and come into the office hacking and coughing infecting us all with the swine flu or something. While I honestly can’t be mad at them (because I do the same thing…sometimes) I wish, I just WISH they would at least bring in some medicine and self-medicate to make sure they DON’T infect us all.

Do they do that? Nope, they whine and complain about it and then someone ask the obvious question, “Why didn’t you just stay home?” Well, DUH! They don’t have anymore sick days and we all have to endure the hacking and coughing. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

My plea is to save AT LEAST one or two sick days for actually sick days.

Have you done this and used up your sick days? As I’ve said already, I have…sometimes

Okay, it’s been awhile since my post and while I hate excuses I can say that what has happened in the last few weeks has shown me sides of people I never thought existed.

One thing I found out, not from my doing of course, is that during this economic recession making waves is the WORST thing you can do. The best bet is to just do your job and do it well or stay as invisible as possible and pray you don’t get fired when the next wave of cutbacks go around.

I’ll give you a quick snippet on the overall situation - a coworker for one reason or another felt the need to complain to higher management about their boss. Why? Well, from what I gathered they were under the microscope so they lashed out as quickly as possible and the result…well - you’ll have to stay tuned for that one.

Nonetheless the bottom line here is folks is please do not go making waves during this econimic recession. It’s not a good thing AT ALL!

I just wanted to let you know out there I haven’t forgotten about the site unfortunately there has been a lot going on around the office and I’ve been sitting in HR meetings for the  most of last week and catching up this week. I am planning on writing about this experience in the coming week along with a few extra things I’m working on such as free office stuff I have been compiling over the past few weeks.

Keep an eye out for next week - a lot of great things coming your way!